See, it's like a borstche...

Heck of a Bar Mitzvah.
my lil bro OutofAMMO just got bar mitzvah'd. i'm so proud of him. of course, there was all the last minute panic and snafus and whatnot, but we made it through alive. in particular, i'm talking about his speech. traditionally, the bar itzvah boy gives a speech in front of the whole shul after davening. well, OOA didn't really get to write this one under ideal circumstances. there was abba, of course, pulling one way, and rebbi pulling one way, and blah blah blah... abba told me weeks ago to go over it with him, but i was lazy and i kept putting it off. last week i saw the speech lying around in our bedroom. i looked at it and thought, omg. thank GD this is just the rough draft.
it wasn't the rough draft.
silly me.
so there we were, me and OOA, at 1 am the night of his bar mitzvah- friday night, so we couldn't write- completely throwing away his written speech and coming up with something that made sense, at least grammatically. crazy. i don't know how he remembered all the stuff we did, but mostly he just had to improvise and we both knew that he wasn't really sure what he was gonna say and we only had a previous draft of the speech to look at and most of it made no sense and we were both sure it was gonna be a total flopp and
you know what?
he did FINE. Better than fine, he was perfect. just the right speed, good volume, he somehow plowed through all the garbled wreck of his speech without hesitation or doubt, getting everything right, making sense where we had given up the previous night, deciding that therewas no way. he kept his head and he did it, and everyone thought it was great. im so proud of him. what a relief. tho more so for him than for me, i imagine.
yeah its like a bortsche i mean the speech. ok i was thinking of a chinese proverb- bickering detective like japanese bortsche- everything go to pot. don't know how that found its way into the headlines. my apologies.

It's time to take a stand.

the chinese are coming. we must fight them.

Par 3

For those who have been following the periolus journey of my right ear (i'm sure you all have), this has been my 3rd surgery in a month. i still can't hear out of it. it's getting pretty frustrating. on the upside, i'm getting lots of... um... shoot no upside. I'm sure things will pick up from here.
And now for the tale of the dreaded 3 hump whump...

The Big One

Today is the day. This is it, folks. The Big one. The One You've All Been Waiting For. There's no more turning back. We're gonna do this, and we're gonna do it together. Prepare yourselves- psyche in. We may never get another chance like this. Let's get out there and make it count! Let's do this!

Just thinking...

If i were a cannible, i'd definately wear a smock to dinner.

10 things i would like to kick.

You can tell i put a lot of thought into this list, cuz its been like, a month.
alright here we go. 10 things i just wanna kick (not necesarrily in this order- they're just coming to me as i go):
1. Chuck Norris. Just wanna. kick him.
2. Crocks. Those wierd new rubber shoes that everyone is suddenly wearing. They're not even comfortable! Honest to God.
3. Sushi. What sick world do we live in when even raw, uncooked fish is overrated?
4. Betsy the cow. Ok that's an inside joke, but I mean, everyone else gets to kick her, don't they?
5. A the cheat. same reason ^.
6. Tapwave, the people who designed my palm pilot- truly an object of engineering magnificence- and then said "bring your tech problems to the bankruptcy firm!"
7. The devil. Just wanna. kick him.
8. tree, grass and ragweed pollen. screw yall. (pardon me)
9. a certain sophomore/7th grader i know named smiley (same reason as cheat and betsy, see above)
10. kofi annon and ahmadenejhad and martha stewart and nicholas cage and all others out there who need some serious kicking.
k that list is too short and clearly shows why one should put some thought into such things before hand. I'll for sure think of more things to add on between now and next time i post. like the guy who writes boondocks. see? there's another guy who needs kicking. feel free to leave any comments u want (its a blog, after all).

BACK AGAIN!

OK looking back at my blog, it becomes evident that i haven't posted at all lately. well, thats ok cuz it wasn't my fault. just thought i'd stopped by today.
i was gonna post 10 things i wanna kick, but its erev rosh hashona and that would be wrong. so instead, i'm hopin for world peace and all that stuff. so people i'd like to kick are people who oppose world peace. then i'd elbow them in the stomach and continue kicking and punching them while they were down, cuz its THEIR fault we don't have world peace yet.
i was recently given an essay: what is your personal responsibility to uphold justice? i decided its high time i began a secret life of crime-fighting and performing computer-animated kung-fu moves on the enemies of the people. and then the evildoers will all be bathed in the purifying terror of the Lord.
I'm sorry i had to share that with yall. really it means nothing. my bro just got another virus on the computer. this is starting to get annoying.

Woot

Well, i'm back briefly for an outshabbos, and yet with little to post about. i have been plagued over the past couple weeks with a series of at first inconvenient, then bizarre, then extremely troubling and painful and depressing medical ailments that saw fit to hit me just when i was settling into the peaceful, stressless life of a new hi school junior. but those things are all troubling and depressing, for me in particular, so instead i'm tagging fudge, tzipster, rafiki, foust, and well... anyone else who feels like giving it a try. !!! - three exclamation marks.
tag is: 10 things that you saw today that you REALLY wanted to KICK. personally i'll submit my list later. cmon, let hear it! (in a timely fashion!!!)

Bye

I'm going back to witz. cyall

Tzaischem L'Sholom

Well, this morning my sister went back to New York. But she'll be back for Succoss and other great occassions such as next summer. Cya then, perel! We'll miss you! Seriously we will!

Top Ten (y'all deserve it)

Ok, i guess it's high time i actually responded to tzipster's tag a few days/weeks/whtvr back, so here we go:

TOP TEN WAYS
you KNOW
you've been in YESHIVA toooooooo long.

1. When you wake up in the morning, you start subcontiously punching and kicking in hopes of getting the vecker.
2. You shower in shower shoes, a bathing suit, a bathrobe, a swim cap and a fly swatter .
3. You find yourself replacing entirely random words in sentences with "zach".
4. You're a vegetarian.
5. You think "crazy night party" translates into "buying a soda at the local convenience store".
6. You suddenly develope a firm an unyeilding belief that you know how to play guitar. well.
7. You think it's socially acceptable to walk up to people unprovoked and bash them over the head with heavy books, as long as the books say "sefer millim" on the cover. you also think the heavier, the better.
8. You eat chulent on Friday night right before going to bed at two a.m.
9. You start to call your rabbeim "sir", and you adress all your english teachers in the third person, as "rebbi".
10. You start to think beis medrash might actually be a good idea.
11. You have to be talked into listening to the music on your mp3 player.
12. Your response to fire alarms is to locate the nearest alarm, scowl at it menacingly, and then pointedly ignore it.
13. You will eat yeshiva food.
14. You have a water pump built into your dorm room.
15. You've finally gone and put your teffillin on backwards.
16. You begin plastering your own dorm room walls with graffiti.
17. Your forehead permanantly adheres to your desk, leaving you hopelessly crippled.
18. You begin to blame all of your worldly troubles on your alarm clock.
19. You are willing to skate for 45 minutes down a steep hill in the pouring rain to pick up a ten pound bag of charcoal (wth?) for your friend who shortchanged you and then come back uphill with the bag somehow levetating in front of you
AND YOU ACTUALLY THINK YOU'LL BE BACK IN TIME FOR YOU GEMARA FINAL WHICH IS IN 5 MINUTES
20. You start to think you're having fun.

I'd better stop.

Third Time's the Charm

I finally passed my driving test. As many of you are aware (the only people who really follow this are my family), i failed my road test twice already since school let out. It's been a very strenuous summer that way.
I mean, i never expected to fail- my sister passed two days before my first test, and she is the horrific road terror. thing. i actually did better than her on the first test, point-wise, but they flunked me out anyway for waiting too long at a stop sign. please.
second time? same course, different teacher. this guy clearly didn't like me. i could tell because i got into the drivers seat and shut the door, and he immediately threw up a hand, tsssk, sighed loudly and started writing up his little score card. this was before i turned the car on. i got more points than the last time, but still not enough to fail. I was specifically 1 point short of the 25 needed to fail (i think it's 25). But no matter- he told me i had a violation that was an instant fail. He then explained to me that this violation was just stopping at the stop sign altogether. he said the stop sign didn't exist. it was a figment of my imagination. the same one i'd failed on last time, he said wasn't there.
i drove my mom back there later that day. it was there, winking back at me mockingly and looking quite cheerful as it basked in the sun. i had some choice words for that stop sign.
today i passed. i got only four points and an EXCELLENT scrawled over the bottom of the test paper. different teacher. I don't get it.

Seeing as I'm bored....

I think I'll go to Minnesota. cyall

Grim, Gritty and Graphic Violence

Actually I cut all that stuff out. But I did promise, i think several months ago, that i would post some stuff from my class paintball trip. after all, it would be nothing but a waste not to, seeing how bravely and diligently our special war correspondents performed to bring us these special still photos and video clips. Actually, there were way to many video clips for me to put them all up, so here's a few of them:











And here's some great wideo action (well... sorta....)








Not very graphic at all. Hope you enjoy!

More Steven Segal! Woot!

Steven Segal in his latest movie, Kung Fu the Movie starring Steven Segal:



Steven Segal visits the Dalai Lama!



Steven Segal and Van Damm in a very emotional and meaningful new movie!



Man, I love mad tv.

Steven Segal on MadTV

Ever watched Fire Down Below? Or any other movie starring Steven Segal, even those not taking place in the apallaichens (however you spell that)? Then this should be pretty funny. I think it is, anyway.

Pulitzer incoming

I think the title's a play on howitzer, but i can't be sure. no matter.
I don't think i've mentioned before that I'm writing a book. To be honest, it started as a short-story assignment for english class, and got drawn out a bit extensively. it's not really a full length book- i've been working on it somewhat slowly, and having reached page 30, i think i'm maybe halfway through.
the story itself isn't as origional as i would've liked it to be, but i do try. It takes place along the retreat of Napoleon's army from Russia in 1812. yeah, it's a war 'novel'. the main character is a young french noble drafted as an officer, though of course this is right after the french revolution, so he's kind of on his toes. i'm just geting around to the interesting part, but i haven't really written much of anything since i got back from school. i think i'll start that up again.

new avatar!

woot! the old one was too scrunchy.

I ate a piece of french toast today (!)

T oday I ate a small, triangular piece of cut french toast. I did not find this to be the least bit surprising, as it was in fact the very meal that had been presented for eating at lunchtime. After I ate this first piece, I proceeded to swallow the rest of the slice of french toast.

A RECENT POST!!!!

Funny thing; at WITZ, we're not allowed to use the internet. During the school year, I was able to post on this blog maybe once a week, tops, when I came home to do laundry, and even then, I often didn't have time. I always figured when I finally got home for the summer, I'd have another crazy, funny experience to post about everyday, but I'd actually be able to go on and POST it. Yet here I am, typing the first post since the school year ended- on July 4th. I've had all the time in the world to blog- just, somehow, I've never found the time. What does that mean? Did I go and get a life? Maybe. Personally, I thought I already had a life, so I'm not accepting that one off hand. But honestly, I still haven't even bothered to figure out how to put up my paintballing pictures yet. (Ye faint of heart, breath deep.) Also, in a completely unrelated twist of fortune, I am now a junior counsler in charge of some 17 kids, ages 7-9. Some of them are best friends, some of them hate each other, some love to whine about everything, and for some reason all of them love me. I'm pretty sure they just enjoy ganging up on me with buckets in the swimming pool, but who knows? We've had some good times together, and it's only been one week of camp. Maybe I'm getting a life after all.