Hopefully this one is more visible.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
It's been a while
Not that I haven't had an awful lot to say over the course of this rather lengthy relapse. It's just, I've found a lot of what I want to communicate is for some ears only, if you get my drift.
I wouldn't share everything I share with my friends with my parents and extended relatives, too. And the same way, there's a lot to me my friends wouldn't really understand. Or, more like just don't understand. Is a world-wide public forum really the best place to just toss away your feelings and hope for the best? So much I've wanted to put up here that would be taken the wrong way. There's a point of frustration where you just have to say it, have to share it; but could you complain to a parent or teacher to their face? Not like a petty complaint, but like, letting loose? Tossing out everything you just can't stand.
I feel closer and closer to doing that. Not that I have anything against my parents at the moment, but there are times... yesterday my chemistry "teacher" threw out several people for coming to class because they had nervously laughed when he started throwing a temper tantrum the day before. I raised my hand with a whole speech planned out. "In order to spare anyone else the embaressment of saying this: You are an arrogant, ugly, presumptuous bastard, and everybody here hates you and wishes you would die horribly, provided you could arrange this maybe at the end of the semester, because you grade easy." (hey, credit where credit is due.) At the last moment I put my hand down, and settled for pulling out a 3 Musketeers, Mocha Nips, and a Sudoku puzzle to keep me occupied for the rest of class.
Half the time I feel like just hanging loose here, and that doesn't really work when everyone you know's got their ears stuck to the monitor. Then again, half the time I feel like I'm stuck in a Linkin Park song (which are starting to sound a bit formulaic, really).
Maybe it's a bit cliche for a teenager to have mood swings, but you'd think there'd be some sort of pretext. This is just out of the blue. Oh well. I'm sure you've all got lot's of helpful advice on this sort of thing. (Share with us from your vast pool of experience, iguana.) I'm all ears.
I wouldn't share everything I share with my friends with my parents and extended relatives, too. And the same way, there's a lot to me my friends wouldn't really understand. Or, more like just don't understand. Is a world-wide public forum really the best place to just toss away your feelings and hope for the best? So much I've wanted to put up here that would be taken the wrong way. There's a point of frustration where you just have to say it, have to share it; but could you complain to a parent or teacher to their face? Not like a petty complaint, but like, letting loose? Tossing out everything you just can't stand.
I feel closer and closer to doing that. Not that I have anything against my parents at the moment, but there are times... yesterday my chemistry "teacher" threw out several people for coming to class because they had nervously laughed when he started throwing a temper tantrum the day before. I raised my hand with a whole speech planned out. "In order to spare anyone else the embaressment of saying this: You are an arrogant, ugly, presumptuous bastard, and everybody here hates you and wishes you would die horribly, provided you could arrange this maybe at the end of the semester, because you grade easy." (hey, credit where credit is due.) At the last moment I put my hand down, and settled for pulling out a 3 Musketeers, Mocha Nips, and a Sudoku puzzle to keep me occupied for the rest of class.
Half the time I feel like just hanging loose here, and that doesn't really work when everyone you know's got their ears stuck to the monitor. Then again, half the time I feel like I'm stuck in a Linkin Park song (which are starting to sound a bit formulaic, really).
Maybe it's a bit cliche for a teenager to have mood swings, but you'd think there'd be some sort of pretext. This is just out of the blue. Oh well. I'm sure you've all got lot's of helpful advice on this sort of thing. (Share with us from your vast pool of experience, iguana.) I'm all ears.
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