What to do when you don't know what to do:

how should i know?

f r ee wr i t e

Back where I should belong as I sort through all my junk
Alive, well and wealthy with a lyric driven funk
not that it should bother anyone
seeing as how I'm just begun
crumple up the drafted paper as I write another one
now that its all over I can't help recalling
how I sat five feet up on my bunk and felt like I was falling
through a sea of what by rights should be
a celebration of the time gone by, now all alone for me
accomplishments that were meant to mean
something to somebody nobody's seen
and still do, somewhere up there where a busy college dean
is figuring out how much I'm worth from beans
as the numbers on the sheet tell them just who I am
'cause the numbers don't lie, not when they're worth a damn
so I am, and what should just doesn't matter so much to me
because I've lost control of it and what will be will have to be
and I know I did well, know I worked hard
and maybe just a little push, when I've already got so far
won't help things change or set faces to rights
any more than the time lost on those cold winter nights
when a pint of ice cream could've brought back the warmth
forget the money
forgot to study
just so I don't miss the warmth
because the money I'll have again, and once more I'll hit the books
but those nights are gone, and if I didn't miss out on the photos they took
it's not for lack of trying
they say never being born is better than dying
so I chase myself in circles knowing I oughta be happy
like other years
move along, save the tears
'cause even saying goodbye, I can't stand when things get sappy
but normally the feeling's there and now I just can't find it
my best friend tried to say goodbye, and i didn't even mind, it
never went through my head to turn around and listen
wasn't even real to me, didn't realise I would miss him
while they all mouthed the words and I nodded and didn't know why
lost in all the joy some part of me wanted to cry
until I got home and put down my junk, looked back and saw how I tried
so much for the future, all that headache inducer
for an age of uncertainty, rain falls from the sky and doesn't bother to rhyme
tonight
I realise I may have missed the best year of my life.