Saturday, December 08, 2007
Then again...
the best days of my life were in september. the best day of my life was the last Tuesday of succos break. wonder if i'll ever see a day like that again... not looking like it so far... the best days of my life just might've passed me by.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Thursday, August 09, 2007
New Avatar... again
Hello from Israel! and to celebrate this place's awesomeness, i have found a new avatar. go IDF!
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
The Departed
well, i seem to have recovered from the hideous blue funk, though for how long I can't say. maybe I just needed a little hope, a little direction, something to work towards. i'm not even sure i have that now, but i feel kinda like i do. ah vell.
on another note, i decided that ima try using this little scanner thing we have attached to our computer. if i figure out how to use it, i can put up some art and cartoons i drew during the school year. on my notes. in essentially every class. its some not bad stuff, so i'll see about that.
on another note, i decided that ima try using this little scanner thing we have attached to our computer. if i figure out how to use it, i can put up some art and cartoons i drew during the school year. on my notes. in essentially every class. its some not bad stuff, so i'll see about that.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Mental barf (or freewrite)
It's an unfamiliar feeling, hitting, going into me,
I'm reeling,
knocked off balance by what I didn't expect to be
and I knew I would and knew I wouldn't.
Well, I think looking back that I probably shouldn't
have tried to pull off all the things that I did;
Not that it wasn't worth while, but what happened to that kid
who used to give a damn about simple rank and authority
and followed the rules just to respect seniority;
My friend said I'm a rebel, always fighting the establishment,
I told him he was wrong, I couldn't ask a girl out for refreshments
so he offered to take the hit, and I let him
and when he backed out too, I laughed at him and bet him
that we'd never find our way to make a way out on our own
when we wouldn't break the rules even so far away from home.
But the truth I couldn't tell him, because I couldn't
part of me thinks, I wouldn't
put it into words that he could understand
that he wouldn't misinterpret, wouldn't sink into the sand
I stood on as they kept on walking, and slowly passed us by
but I knew the rules didn't matter to me, I held back just cuz I
couldn't take the pressure, was a coward from the start
but these things I do get over, and when the fear leaves my heart
there's nothing there to replace it, I can't turn around and face it
making real for a second what I know I would've done
talking doesn't bother me but honest to God I'm seventeen
locked up in my house all day with this city chaining me
I know in other places there are outlets for these things
other people test the edges so they won't go out and fling
but I'm here, still unclear,
because what bothers me far more
is not that I'd do wrong given the choice
I trust myself and what I stand for
but when they lock me in, steal my voice
I don't hold myself back, but instead declare war
what I didn't want before I come to ruthlessly pursue
as it takes on more importance than it could naturally acrue
but then the facts are waiting for me
like a sledgehammer to the face
and I know the opportunity I'll miss if I should wait
so what's left in this, a character flaw?
I don't think, as such, I buy it
but when pressured to prove myself to myself, I wonder...
should I try it?
seriously if you're PT don't even bother to try answering that in a comment. please.
I'm reeling,
knocked off balance by what I didn't expect to be
and I knew I would and knew I wouldn't.
Well, I think looking back that I probably shouldn't
have tried to pull off all the things that I did;
Not that it wasn't worth while, but what happened to that kid
who used to give a damn about simple rank and authority
and followed the rules just to respect seniority;
My friend said I'm a rebel, always fighting the establishment,
I told him he was wrong, I couldn't ask a girl out for refreshments
so he offered to take the hit, and I let him
and when he backed out too, I laughed at him and bet him
that we'd never find our way to make a way out on our own
when we wouldn't break the rules even so far away from home.
But the truth I couldn't tell him, because I couldn't
part of me thinks, I wouldn't
put it into words that he could understand
that he wouldn't misinterpret, wouldn't sink into the sand
I stood on as they kept on walking, and slowly passed us by
but I knew the rules didn't matter to me, I held back just cuz I
couldn't take the pressure, was a coward from the start
but these things I do get over, and when the fear leaves my heart
there's nothing there to replace it, I can't turn around and face it
making real for a second what I know I would've done
talking doesn't bother me but honest to God I'm seventeen
locked up in my house all day with this city chaining me
I know in other places there are outlets for these things
other people test the edges so they won't go out and fling
but I'm here, still unclear,
because what bothers me far more
is not that I'd do wrong given the choice
I trust myself and what I stand for
but when they lock me in, steal my voice
I don't hold myself back, but instead declare war
what I didn't want before I come to ruthlessly pursue
as it takes on more importance than it could naturally acrue
but then the facts are waiting for me
like a sledgehammer to the face
and I know the opportunity I'll miss if I should wait
so what's left in this, a character flaw?
I don't think, as such, I buy it
but when pressured to prove myself to myself, I wonder...
should I try it?
seriously if you're PT don't even bother to try answering that in a comment. please.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Monday, June 18, 2007
f r ee wr i t e
Back where I should belong as I sort through all my junk
Alive, well and wealthy with a lyric driven funk
not that it should bother anyone
seeing as how I'm just begun
crumple up the drafted paper as I write another one
now that its all over I can't help recalling
how I sat five feet up on my bunk and felt like I was falling
through a sea of what by rights should be
a celebration of the time gone by, now all alone for me
accomplishments that were meant to mean
something to somebody nobody's seen
and still do, somewhere up there where a busy college dean
is figuring out how much I'm worth from beans
as the numbers on the sheet tell them just who I am
'cause the numbers don't lie, not when they're worth a damn
so I am, and what should just doesn't matter so much to me
because I've lost control of it and what will be will have to be
and I know I did well, know I worked hard
and maybe just a little push, when I've already got so far
won't help things change or set faces to rights
any more than the time lost on those cold winter nights
when a pint of ice cream could've brought back the warmth
forget the money
forgot to study
just so I don't miss the warmth
because the money I'll have again, and once more I'll hit the books
but those nights are gone, and if I didn't miss out on the photos they took
it's not for lack of trying
they say never being born is better than dying
so I chase myself in circles knowing I oughta be happy
like other years
move along, save the tears
'cause even saying goodbye, I can't stand when things get sappy
but normally the feeling's there and now I just can't find it
my best friend tried to say goodbye, and i didn't even mind, it
never went through my head to turn around and listen
wasn't even real to me, didn't realise I would miss him
while they all mouthed the words and I nodded and didn't know why
lost in all the joy some part of me wanted to cry
until I got home and put down my junk, looked back and saw how I tried
so much for the future, all that headache inducer
for an age of uncertainty, rain falls from the sky and doesn't bother to rhyme
tonight
I realise I may have missed the best year of my life.
Alive, well and wealthy with a lyric driven funk
not that it should bother anyone
seeing as how I'm just begun
crumple up the drafted paper as I write another one
now that its all over I can't help recalling
how I sat five feet up on my bunk and felt like I was falling
through a sea of what by rights should be
a celebration of the time gone by, now all alone for me
accomplishments that were meant to mean
something to somebody nobody's seen
and still do, somewhere up there where a busy college dean
is figuring out how much I'm worth from beans
as the numbers on the sheet tell them just who I am
'cause the numbers don't lie, not when they're worth a damn
so I am, and what should just doesn't matter so much to me
because I've lost control of it and what will be will have to be
and I know I did well, know I worked hard
and maybe just a little push, when I've already got so far
won't help things change or set faces to rights
any more than the time lost on those cold winter nights
when a pint of ice cream could've brought back the warmth
forget the money
forgot to study
just so I don't miss the warmth
because the money I'll have again, and once more I'll hit the books
but those nights are gone, and if I didn't miss out on the photos they took
it's not for lack of trying
they say never being born is better than dying
so I chase myself in circles knowing I oughta be happy
like other years
move along, save the tears
'cause even saying goodbye, I can't stand when things get sappy
but normally the feeling's there and now I just can't find it
my best friend tried to say goodbye, and i didn't even mind, it
never went through my head to turn around and listen
wasn't even real to me, didn't realise I would miss him
while they all mouthed the words and I nodded and didn't know why
lost in all the joy some part of me wanted to cry
until I got home and put down my junk, looked back and saw how I tried
so much for the future, all that headache inducer
for an age of uncertainty, rain falls from the sky and doesn't bother to rhyme
tonight
I realise I may have missed the best year of my life.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Where is this going, anyway?
It's been a pretty nice vacation, so far. Hope yall are enjoying it. Happy passover. I think maybe I'm just to lazy to blog. That would explain things, alright. I guess maybe I've finally come to see the great perilous ways of the internet. or maybe i just have better things to do. Like talk on cellphones. Through headphones. To girls. Listening to non-jewish music whilst ditching class. wow, i feel sardonic tonight. clearly I'm up too late. Oh God, my caps letters are deteriorating. time to bring this to a halt before it rambles any further awwwww --
we've hit a snag.
we've hit a snag.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
It's been a while
Not that I haven't had an awful lot to say over the course of this rather lengthy relapse. It's just, I've found a lot of what I want to communicate is for some ears only, if you get my drift.
I wouldn't share everything I share with my friends with my parents and extended relatives, too. And the same way, there's a lot to me my friends wouldn't really understand. Or, more like just don't understand. Is a world-wide public forum really the best place to just toss away your feelings and hope for the best? So much I've wanted to put up here that would be taken the wrong way. There's a point of frustration where you just have to say it, have to share it; but could you complain to a parent or teacher to their face? Not like a petty complaint, but like, letting loose? Tossing out everything you just can't stand.
I feel closer and closer to doing that. Not that I have anything against my parents at the moment, but there are times... yesterday my chemistry "teacher" threw out several people for coming to class because they had nervously laughed when he started throwing a temper tantrum the day before. I raised my hand with a whole speech planned out. "In order to spare anyone else the embaressment of saying this: You are an arrogant, ugly, presumptuous bastard, and everybody here hates you and wishes you would die horribly, provided you could arrange this maybe at the end of the semester, because you grade easy." (hey, credit where credit is due.) At the last moment I put my hand down, and settled for pulling out a 3 Musketeers, Mocha Nips, and a Sudoku puzzle to keep me occupied for the rest of class.
Half the time I feel like just hanging loose here, and that doesn't really work when everyone you know's got their ears stuck to the monitor. Then again, half the time I feel like I'm stuck in a Linkin Park song (which are starting to sound a bit formulaic, really).
Maybe it's a bit cliche for a teenager to have mood swings, but you'd think there'd be some sort of pretext. This is just out of the blue. Oh well. I'm sure you've all got lot's of helpful advice on this sort of thing. (Share with us from your vast pool of experience, iguana.) I'm all ears.
I wouldn't share everything I share with my friends with my parents and extended relatives, too. And the same way, there's a lot to me my friends wouldn't really understand. Or, more like just don't understand. Is a world-wide public forum really the best place to just toss away your feelings and hope for the best? So much I've wanted to put up here that would be taken the wrong way. There's a point of frustration where you just have to say it, have to share it; but could you complain to a parent or teacher to their face? Not like a petty complaint, but like, letting loose? Tossing out everything you just can't stand.
I feel closer and closer to doing that. Not that I have anything against my parents at the moment, but there are times... yesterday my chemistry "teacher" threw out several people for coming to class because they had nervously laughed when he started throwing a temper tantrum the day before. I raised my hand with a whole speech planned out. "In order to spare anyone else the embaressment of saying this: You are an arrogant, ugly, presumptuous bastard, and everybody here hates you and wishes you would die horribly, provided you could arrange this maybe at the end of the semester, because you grade easy." (hey, credit where credit is due.) At the last moment I put my hand down, and settled for pulling out a 3 Musketeers, Mocha Nips, and a Sudoku puzzle to keep me occupied for the rest of class.
Half the time I feel like just hanging loose here, and that doesn't really work when everyone you know's got their ears stuck to the monitor. Then again, half the time I feel like I'm stuck in a Linkin Park song (which are starting to sound a bit formulaic, really).
Maybe it's a bit cliche for a teenager to have mood swings, but you'd think there'd be some sort of pretext. This is just out of the blue. Oh well. I'm sure you've all got lot's of helpful advice on this sort of thing. (Share with us from your vast pool of experience, iguana.) I'm all ears.
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